I am at a very happy place in my life. I have the best friend I could ever ask for, my home life is pretty good and even though I am not necessarily happy with my body image, I am getting there.
There have been times where my life has most certainly not been like this. For around 6 years in fact. Now, I am in no way claiming to be purely innocent in this, I don't believe anyone is. We've all said nasty things and done things we regret. However, at 18 I have moved on and grown up.
I started to be bullied in year 6. I was never a thin child. Always a bit chubby but always very happy with myself until some really terrible boys decided it would be funny to start calling me names and poking fun at me. The teachers were rubbish and did nothing about it so I learned to live with it (which is not something you should settle for).
Then, as I moved up to secondary school, I presumed this would all stop, but it didn't. It moved around the year group and people I didn't even know a few months prior were catching on. The nicknames went on until about year 10 I would say, I remember the last time someone said one to my face and I will always be thankful to my lovely friend Giorgia who had the guts to do what I couldn't and went mad.
Bullying took different forms around year 10 and 11. I got in to a group of friends who were very lovely when everything was ok, but when things weren't ok, we could all be very vicious. I was emotionally blackmailed many a time and I won't lie, the girls made my life a living hell. My best friend Natalie was the one to pull me through it with her constant support and reminders that I was above it all. I would describe year 10,11 and 12 as my darkest moments and a time I don't think I will ever forget. I was also bullied anonymously (many times by the girls themselves although I don't think one of them would ever admit to it) pretty badly on a website called 'ask.fm'. We all were, but sometimes we stuck together and it went away. It got to the point where we were being told to kill ourselves and I was constantly getting messages telling me to lose weight.
Moving up to college, I thought everything would be fine. Nope. It continued. It got to the point where one 'friend' would spy on me when I was sat with other friends so when I told them I was revising they would say things like 'don't think playing flappy bird counts as revising' and friends I thought I would have forever turned against me too. I was very alone. I had thrown away my best friend for people like this and I had never regretted anything more. I am absolutely fine with two of these girls now, we are all old enough to apologise and admit what we did was wrong. I don't hold them accountable any more because I am very happy in the person I have become. I am happy with my life now and I know that I probably made their lives a miserable place too and for that girls, I am truly sorry.
I have learnt now that if you want to fix something, do it. If you don't, leave it. No sarcastic tweets, no mean messages, leave it.
Now, I am by no means an expert in advice for bullying, I didn't take any of the advice I am about to tell you but I wish I had.
1. Tell Somebody
Yes, you hear this all the time and it seems like the scariest thing in the world. Even if it's just a friend that you can confide in, it's nice to be able to get everything out and in the open. I know that had I told some friends they would have spoken to my parents for me and though at the time that seems like the worst thing. It's not.
2. Get Out Of There
If you are in a horrible friendship like I was, leave. These girls might be your best friends but if they really are being awful people, it isn't worth it. Find some lovely friends who want to have you around and who make you feel good about yourself, I promise you, it's lovely. It is highly likely they will come back in to your life as lovely people who support you like two of my girls have.
3. Find Positivity
If someone is bullying you, it is highly likely that the bully is going through some emotional turmoil too. I know that when I was mean, it just seemed like a way to let my anger out and make me feel better about my situation. This is in no way an excuse, the friends I had (one in particular) made me in to a really terrible person, a person I never want to be again. My best friend, however, turned me back in to the bubbly, giggly and happy person I once was. Find some positivity and hold on to it.
4. Make Your Mind Up
Decide what you want to do, and do it. If you want to resolve things, do it. Don't wait for them to, if you try and they don't want to then fine. They need to sort that out, not you. If you want nothing to do with these people ever again, then cut them out of your life for good and don't look back.
5. Treasure The People That Matter
If you are lucky enough, like me, to have people who will gladly take you back under their wing after you ditched them for these people. Don't let it happen again. The time when me and my now best friend weren't on talking terms was the worst few months of my life. I felt happy to have the girls back in my life but also felt like a part of me was missing. Now I feel whole again *starts playing Atomic Kitten* (yes I did say that JUST so I could make that joke, I know, thank you, thank you)
And...
I'm sorry this was longer than usual, this is a topic I'm very passionate about and a time in my life that I'm glad I got through because my life is lovely now. If you ever need someone to talk to, there are so many people who will gladly lend an ear, including me.
Thanks For Reading
Becky x