rebecca

Hello You Lovely Lot!

This is just a short blog post to update you on how I'm feeling. As you may be able to tell by the title of this blog post, I'm not feeling too great. Recently, I've been asking myself a lot of questions. What do I want to do? Am I making the right decisions? Do I really want to be at University? Am I happy? Is what I'm feeling just stress? Am I just homesick? Should I have stayed at home? Is this something completely unrelated to University?

I have come to realise that the answer to all of these is a big fat 'I don't know' and that scares me more than anything else. This isn't the first time I have felt like this and I have no doubt that it won't be the last time I go through whatever this is with only just over a year left of University. I have gone from knowing exactly what I want to do to completely dropping the idea and had friends say to me 'Well what will you do then?!' and of course the answer to that is, I have no clue. I know that I am not the only one facing these issues and asking myself these questions.

One thing I do know is that this year I have really tried to prioritise myself. I have gained a few things and lost a few things but ultimately my happiness is so important. I need to think about the things that I want and right now I'm not sure what that is which makes this a lot harder. I do know that I don't want to be stuck doing something I hate and not able to get out of it.

Sometimes I feel that this is something more serious than just disliking University which in turn can make University much more difficult when you're also dealing with other things on top. Maybe I have woken up on the wrong side of the bed this morning or maybe I need to do some serious thinking. Some people will tell you nobody knows what they're doing and that that's fine and normal! Maybe it is. However, I can tell you that I do not like it. A few months ago I was dead set on leaving University, I hated it. However, I managed to pull back through and everybody said to me 'But you haven't got long left! There's no point quitting now!'. I can see where these people are coming from but every day feels like a week when you're unhappy with what you're doing. As lovely as my friends are, I can't stay for their sake either. So what now? Where do I go? What do I do? I'm not sure. Maybe I stay here and let it all work itself out for another year. Maybe I go home and find something else to. Maybe I just have a bath and watch a sad film and feel a little better.

Anyway, sorry for that emotional rant, normal blog posts will resume soon. I don't tend to share things like this on my blog but I do think it's important.

Thanks For Reading.

Becky x

Hello You Lovely Lot!

Recently I turned 20. I am trying to not think about the fact that this now means I have to be an adult. When I think about it I feel like 20 years is a long time however I feel like I was a child a split-second ago?

Now obviously I don't know everything but I like to think I know a few important things. I thought I would share these things with you in the hope that one of you can be helped!

1. People will take your kindness for weakness

I like to think that I'm generally a nice person. I have, however, learnt that over the years people think that this means they can walk all over me. i have actually let some people walk all over me but over the past two or three years I have learnt to not do that anymore. People take your kindness to granted but there has to be a point where you put your foot down and show people that you can stick up for yourself.


2.Bullies exist past primary and secondary school

This is a lesson I've learnt very recently. You may think that people will grow up and snap out of it but apparently not. I'm tempted to do a whole new post on this because it's an important topic. People will try and pull you down and gang up on you, even at the age of 23 I've discovered. Just rise above it and keep your head held high.


3. Do whatever you want, no matter what other people may think

For a while I was self conscious about starting a YouTube channel and I have faced criticism (see the point above). However, I love making and editing videos and have met some lovely people through doing YouTube. So if there's something you want to do but you're scared about people's reactions. Do it. You will have people who support you every step of the way.


4. If you work hard enough at something you will succeed eventually

This seems really deep and meaningful but it's really about makeup. When I first moved to Uni I had no idea what I was doing with any makeup and now, thanks to mainly Nicole and Chloe, I have improved so much. I still have a long way to go but I enjoy makeup and practice really does make perfect.


5. University is not for everyone

I have discovered through my friends and how I feel myself that you don't have to go to University. For some people it is just not the right path or isn't the right path straight after college. I don't enjoy University too much at the moment so I may be one of these people but either way, if you don't like it and it doesn't agree with you, that's fine. If it's not wha you want to do and it's not your dream, don't do it because you feel like you have to.


6. True friends are rare

When you're in primary and secondary school you think you have a massive friendship group and that everyone is your best mate. Of course some people in this group are true friends most of the time however in my life at the moment I have about two people who I truly believe I can talk to about literally everything. So look out for those people and treasure them.


7. Family are not always reliable

The one people you think will always have your back are you family but this isn't always true. Sometimes you can trust friends more than family and that's something you have to accept. This may not apply to everyone but I'm sure some of you will know how I feel. Obviously I won't go in to too much detail about this because it's quite person but it is something I've learnt.

8. School really can be some of the best times of your life

I don't miss the bullies I dealt with at school and when I think back on it my mental state wasn't great either. However, I loved most of my lessons and school felt so secure and I knew what I was doing pretty much all of the time. My teachers were so lovely and most of my friends were too. You don't realise how good you have it in school sometimes.


9. Drinking more water really does help

Recently I've been drinking loads of water. I even have an app that tells me when I've drank enough because I was worried I'd been drinking too much. In the past few days I haven't drank much at all and I have really noticed it. No matter how much I sleep I seem to be tired and although I am spotty anyway I'm breaking out a lot more than usual. Just carrying a bottle of water around with you and sipping on it throughout the day is so easy. Especially when I'm at University all day.


10. Not everyone will like you

You can be the nicest, prettiest, funniest person ever and there will still be someone who doesn't like you. There's no point wasting your time with trying to please everyone because it wont happen. Ignore those people who don't like you because it's their loss and you have friends who love you.


11. Do things for you

I have always struggled with my weight and at one point I was losing weight because other people were telling me I had to but I've got to a point now where I'm going to try and lose it for me. I know I will be a happier and healthier person and as long as you're healthy and happy then that's all that matters, no matter what size you are.


12. You don't have to love going out and getting drunk

Some people do love this and that's totally cool. However, I used to go out because I thought it would make me 'cool' or I thought I had to. I much prefer sitting in my own living room and having a few drinks and a movie. Sometimes I do really want to go out and when that feeling hits I don't feel bad about doing it. I think it might just be because I hate hangovers because I get really sick but either way, I'm just not that girl (I was about to write teenager and then I realised I'm not one...). You will find people who are the same and people you can always rely on for a night out. I love alcohol sometimes and when you need a night out you know! I just do it once in a blue moon.


13. Don't lock yourself away

I spent the whole of my first year at Uni in my room feeling sorry for myself and it just made me feel worse and worse. I've made a whole video on this so you can find that on my channel but in any case, it's not the way to go about things. Do things with your friends, family, or by yourself. It's ok to have the occasional duvet day where you just want to feel sorry for yourself but don't let that become every day.


14. Don't let anybody make you feel small

No matter what it is that you do; listening to your favourite band, doing your favourite activities, spending your money on your favourite things, don't let anyone make you feel bad for it. If it makes you happy then do it. As long as you don't harm anyone else or yourself by doing it then there's no problem in my eyes!


15. Don't be afraid to make mistakes

If you didn't make mistakes then you wouldn't be human. It's a part of life and something that we all do. Making mistakes means you know better next time and it teaches you so many lessons. If you're afraid to do something because you're worried it might go wrong then that's even more reason to do it. You can't let anything hold you back.


16. Dogs are important

I have three dogs if you didn't already know. Obviously not everyone likes dogs so this applies to any animal really. When I first got a dog it was obvious that I loved her. However, there was something different with our second dog. He is genuinely my best mate. People who don't have animals don't get it but if you have a dog or a cat or a horse or a hamster or whatever, you may know. He makes me so happy and he doesn't care what I do, he loves me anyway.


17. Others don't see you the way you see yourself

A while ago I was talking to Natalie about our insecurities. I told her that I didn't like my weight and she said she didn't even think about it. I was just me. That made me realise that the things she said were things I didn't even think about with her. People who pick out your insecurities aren't worth knowing.



18. The people that mind don't matter and the people that matter don't mind

Relating to the previous point. I first found this quote in a Charlie McDonnel song and it is so true. The people that care about what you do and what you say and what you eat and what you buy aren't worth thinking about. The people who matter will love you no matter what you choose to do.


19. It's not about how long you know someone

I have known some people for like 10 years and met people this year who have become ten times closer. Particularly a girl called Melanie who I met this year. We have become so close over the past few months and it's taught me that it's just about meeting the right people, not how long you've known them.


20. Happiness takes time

This is the most important one for me. You can't expect to change one thing or for someone to wave a magic wand and for you to be happy. It takes a few changes and you'll go through struggles and relapses. You can't always be happy and it's fine when you're not, as long as you remember that



So there you have it everyone! I hope you've learnt something from this blog post of mine. I've learned a lot more than this in 20 years obviously but these things are really important to me and I hope they help someone!

Thanks For Reading

Becky x

Hello You Lovely Lot!

Sorry this is up so late but I've been thinking all week about what I could upload, I know that next week will be my October Playlist so you can all get excited about that one) and I was going to do one about my little holiday but that was kind of last week! I then thought about doing this blog post but it's only just been three weeks so it's not really the one month update at all but let's admit it, the 'three week update' is just not a catchy title.

SO. I have been vegan for about three weeks now. Technically I've been trying to be vegan for over a month but I made a lot of slip ups at the beginning e.g.eating nandos rice which i didn't know had butter in, having a big mac when I was really hungover and a few other slip-ups. I even slipped up yesterday when I had a bit of someones homemade hummus and then asking what was in it because it was lovely and finding out it had cream and cheese in it...whoops. Safe to say I didn't have any more.

Sometimes I find it hard like when I'm really hungry or tired or hungover I think about how much I would love Chicken Nuggets, and there's even a McDonalds at the end of the road which makes my temptation stronger, however I have yet to give in to that. I've learnt to do food shopping right after I've eaten, to cook when everyone else cooks and that slip-ups and mistakes are fine and just things that you learn from.

Day to day I really don't think that I'm missing out on meat and the only time I reckon I could eat it is when other people are sat eating something I used to love. However, I know that I'm doing something that's good for my body by not eating dairy and something that's good for my tastebuds by not eating meat because I am the worst cook and any meat I cooked was mediocre.

I thought that going to see my family was going to be a big challenge because my family is the definition of a 'meat and two veg' family. I've always eaten meat and dairy too but when I became lactose intolerant a few years ago the amount of dairy I ate became slightly less. However, I would still eat it and make myself ill. My Dad (and loads of other people) have said to me 'well, why don't you just not eat dairy and meat?' and it winds me up. If I say to myself I'm not allowed to eat dairy at all (which is what I'm doing by being Vegan) then I don't eat it. I've only eaten it by accident so far, however before I was vegan I knew that I shouldn't eat dairy but I ate it anyway! And I don't even like egg so there's no point in that really.

If anything changes I'll let you know but hopefully it will all be good until the two month update!

Thanks For Reading!

Becky x

Hello You Lovely Lot!

So, I am currently on holiday (kind of). I came home for less than 24 hours before driving 2 hours to end up in Filey! it's basically a little town near the sea for anyone who doesn't know, just my kind of place. I'm only here till tomorrow afternoon and then I get a train back to Liverpool to my beloved house. Back to watching too much TV, eating too much food and complaining that my room's a mess yet doing nothing about it!

We're actually here to celebrate Mum's birthday (that isn't even until next month but there you have it) because she used to come here as a kid with her Mum and Dad! The rest of my family are staying until next week but as I have lessons to go to I have to back to University tomorrow (boo hoo).

It's really lovely here even though I haven't seen much of it, we went to Whitby today and it was tipping it down for most of the day but when it was sunny it was all very pretty although there was a lot of fish places (which you'd imagine for the place that is obviously known for 'Whitby Scampi'). I also had a lovely slice of Vegan cake (and a vegan wrap but the cake topped it all). I feel like this is turning in to a life update post but Veganism is going well for anyone interested! It's been just over two weeks now since I've had a slip up and even though it's hard sometimes I feel much better overall.

Some of you will know that last year I struggled a lot with homesickness but this year has been great so far! We sit and watch TV or a film every night in our pyjamas with blankets and food and it just feels so homely. The only time I'm really in my room is when I'm asleep to be honest which is just how it should be (although I probably should be in there doing work but I'm not, I just tend to do my work whilst watching Bakeoff or X-Factor). I'm enjoying my lessons a lot more this year but I think that could be because I'm actually paying attention to them and making notes.

That's about all I have to update you on at the moment!

Thanks For Reading!

Becky x

Hello You Lovely Lot!

So, today marks my last week in Nottingham before I move back to Liverpool (technically I move on Saturday so my last week was literally last week but we can overlook that because I upload blog posts on a Monday). If you've been reading my blog for a bit now or you know me personally you will know I had a bit of trouble last year. I felt very homesick and alone for most of the year (through my own fault).

I never thought I would say this but I am genuinely SO excited to get back to University! I feel like I'm at a point in my life where I'm ready to make my own decisions again. Obviously I make my own decisions at home but there's just something different at University. When I left Uni last year I think I was so glad to be at home but as the weeks have passed I have realised that maybe I didn't take advantage of the time I spent in Liverpool. I really think I've grown as a person in the time between leaving and this week. I feel like that sounds super cliché but it's true.

I have really learnt a lot of things this summer, some things felt like the end of the world but I'm glad they happened now. It's all made me really appreciate Liverpool and see it in a different light. Of course I'll miss my family and friends but I'm going to make a real effort to not go home as much this year because I think it adds to the homesickness if that's even possible? I have started to get used to nights out. I never used to drink much or go on nights out ever but this summer has taught me that nothing (too) bad can happen and even if you have work the next day and do a shift where you can't even look at the vodka, you'll be ok.

So thank you Summer 2016 for teaching me many things and genuinely changing me as a person. I feel like when I go back to Uni I'm really going to enjoy (and document, obvs) every second of it. I'm sorry this has been a bit of a rambly post but I think I just needed to get this all off my chest.

Thanks For Reading!

Becky x

Hello You Lovely Lot!

So, if you read my blog regularly you will know that I study English Literature and Drama and Theatre Studies at Liverpool Hope Uni! Well, it's been a while since I've spoken about it and so I thought you might all like a little update (you probably don't, BUT YOU'RE GETTING ONE SO THERE).

I passed first year! Through all the homesickness and the falling outs (both with teachers and friends). I did it! That means I can put myself through another year of it all, lucky me. No, in all seriousness there are some days where I can't wait to get back to University. I can't wait to see Nicole, Kayleigh and Jack and all my other friends. I can't wait to decorate my room and make YouTube videos in there and I can't wait to have a bit more structure to my life again.

I have a massive reading list (I'm not joking, it's huge) that I need to get through in the next two months. My first day at University is actually on October the 4th which is so late! Technically it should be on the 3rd but I'm off on Mondays. I start paying for my accommodation on September 1st so I'll be moving in before October no doubt! I think the key to getting through second year for me is remembering that it won't be all rosy, much like last year. However, I think living with just Kayleigh, Nicole and Jack will make me a lot happier.

I've been home for quite a while now and I have a new job. I feel a bit like I never went away to University in the first place and it'll be weird to leave my whole family again! I've been home alone for about a week now because my family are on holiday and I couldn't go for the first week and even that's been weird! However, I know that I can come home any time I like, especially because I'm free on a Monday and a Friday!

Is anyone else going in to their second year? How are you feeling about it? Let me know!

Thanks For Reading!

Becky x