Hello You Lovely Lot!

This is just a short blog post to update you on how I'm feeling. As you may be able to tell by the title of this blog post, I'm not feeling too great. Recently, I've been asking myself a lot of questions. What do I want to do? Am I making the right decisions? Do I really want to be at University? Am I happy? Is what I'm feeling just stress? Am I just homesick? Should I have stayed at home? Is this something completely unrelated to University?

I have come to realise that the answer to all of these is a big fat 'I don't know' and that scares me more than anything else. This isn't the first time I have felt like this and I have no doubt that it won't be the last time I go through whatever this is with only just over a year left of University. I have gone from knowing exactly what I want to do to completely dropping the idea and had friends say to me 'Well what will you do then?!' and of course the answer to that is, I have no clue. I know that I am not the only one facing these issues and asking myself these questions.

One thing I do know is that this year I have really tried to prioritise myself. I have gained a few things and lost a few things but ultimately my happiness is so important. I need to think about the things that I want and right now I'm not sure what that is which makes this a lot harder. I do know that I don't want to be stuck doing something I hate and not able to get out of it.

Sometimes I feel that this is something more serious than just disliking University which in turn can make University much more difficult when you're also dealing with other things on top. Maybe I have woken up on the wrong side of the bed this morning or maybe I need to do some serious thinking. Some people will tell you nobody knows what they're doing and that that's fine and normal! Maybe it is. However, I can tell you that I do not like it. A few months ago I was dead set on leaving University, I hated it. However, I managed to pull back through and everybody said to me 'But you haven't got long left! There's no point quitting now!'. I can see where these people are coming from but every day feels like a week when you're unhappy with what you're doing. As lovely as my friends are, I can't stay for their sake either. So what now? Where do I go? What do I do? I'm not sure. Maybe I stay here and let it all work itself out for another year. Maybe I go home and find something else to. Maybe I just have a bath and watch a sad film and feel a little better.

Anyway, sorry for that emotional rant, normal blog posts will resume soon. I don't tend to share things like this on my blog but I do think it's important.

Thanks For Reading.

Becky x